Hoping for these things today and every day.
It takes courage to feel hope and wear it proudly on display.
I am not feeling very courageous these days. Will this room ever have a purpose? Will we see it transformed? Are we getting any closer? My heart wants to know.
A new generation of flowers has bloomed.
Not so officially “officially” accredited. I spoke too soon in my last post. I have a tendency to latch on in a serious way to any sort of positive adoption related news. Two months ago I thought we were truly on the cusp. The possibility of a referral coming through at any moment was on my mind. I find it hard to really understand what the holdup is at various stages in this process. Sometimes I believe this is because things get lost in translation, other times I think there is a reluctance on the part of our agency to share the details of exactly what is happening, or at times perhaps they just don’t know and are in suspense and waiting along with us. Whatever the case, it can create long spans of silence which are difficult to take.
When I first heard about the documentary Stuck which highlights the international adoption story of three different families I immediately marked the date of the showing on my calendar. I was certain that I needed to see this movie in order to help in my understanding of what people really go through in this whole process. I needed to hear the stories. I wanted the details. The premiere in my area has come and gone and as it turns out I could not bring myself to go see it. I am living it. I wonder if my future child is stuck in all the bureaucracy as I sit here in my comfy living room and write my story. It is difficult to comprehend. Here we are as the months continue to tick by.
The latest update on our agency’s website where at one time the referral wait time of 2-4 months was posted states the following: “Accreditation of the orphanage we partner with is nearly complete. They have many children in need of families. We hope to begin matching families and accepting new applications shortly. Please check back regularly for updates.” I wonder how long this message has been up, but more importantly, when will it change? When will we be beyond “nearly complete”? Soon, I hope.
In the meantime, I will work on mustering up the courage to watch the movie Stuck… at some point. Any other waiting families out there that have seen it? Should I watch it or will it just tear me up?
Today’s WordPress Daily Prompt is 180 degrees. “Tell us about a time you did a 180 – changed your views on something, reversed a decision, or acted in a way you ordinarily don’t.”
Well, I feel like my whole blog is full of 180 degree twists and turns. I flip and I flop. On the journey to adoption one moment you’re up, then you’re back down again. Just a few days ago I was feeling discouraged by our current situation, now my optimism is back and I feel like maybe the tide is turning. We just found out yesterday that the orphanage in Taiwan is now officially accredited to resume international adoptions. A new process was put into place due to changes in Taiwan legislation that stalled referrals for a while. January brought news that the orphanage hadn’t passed their initial inspection. Now this is a huge relief to know that referral activity may start to pick up again. I’m not in a place where I feel excitement right now as I have in the past, but relief… relief, relief, relief… I’ll take it. Paired with hope, it is an o.k. place to be right now.
Four months ago I posted about a renewed feeling of hope and excitement. Much has happened since then. I now struggle to hold on to those feelings. At that time we had just met the director of the orphanage in Taiwan who was here visiting our adoption agency as part of a new accreditation process for the orphanage. Shortly after that we had our home study update and felt very positive and hopeful that we’d start hearing about referrals again in early 2013. That hope is diminishing. I feel like I’m always in this state of being “Taiwan ready”, meaning I am prepared to get the call and then with relatively short notice jump on a plane to meet my future child. Being Taiwan ready is a tough state of mind to be in for what is now years… with an “s”. Yeah, I just said that. In a Taiwan ready state of mind I do my best to not let that interfere with my everyday life, but I do think about it often. I think about it when it comes to major work events that I am leading or am heavily involved in, I think about it when booking things like marathons and vacations. I know that no matter what we have going on we will adjust when we get the news, so why do I feel this sense of hesitation about booking our next vacation? It feels like defeat. It feels like accepting, that despite feeling like we might be on the cusp and things might start happening in early spring, it is not yet time. We should be planning our trip to Taiwan right now. When is this day going to come? I am anxiously awaiting further communication from our adoption agency right now. There have been more changes in the Taiwan adoption process with the introduction of PAIR, Pre-Adoption Immigration Review. We’re also waiting to hear that the orphanage in Taiwan has received their re-accreditation for international adoption. I feel worried that more delays are in store. Yes, I think M is right. It’s time to plan another vacation and tuck this away for a while, though Taiwan ready I will always be.
Photo compliments of http://www.taiwantoday.tw
I will admit I am a little sad to bid farewell to the year of the dragon.. though I do like the sight of the sun on the horizon in the photo above. Happy New Year all!